The Rantings of Deb: September 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Reason 5621157963 that I hate my mother

So hurricane Ike hit. Destroyed Galveston, devastated Houston and mangled Conroe. My parents live in Conroe as does my mother in law. My mother in law is quite a flaky woman, but we love her, she is Scott's mommy and Sophia's MiMi. So when we couldn't get ahold of her we were worried.

We became more worried as the days passed and we still couldn't get ahold of her. We called the police and asked for a drive by to check on her. They informed us that they were not doing those as phones were spotty and they may not be able to call back and let you know the person is okay. We became increasingly worried as days went by and we were able to reach all of our friends and my family.

See MIL lives alone. No boyfriend, no close friends that we know how to reach. Calls to her job were left unanswered. So I caved and called my mom, my mother who does nothing and asked her to drive the 10 miles to her home to see if she was alive. She asked for her numbers and reported back to me that she didn't answer her calls. Well no shit dumbass that is why I asked you to drive there!!!??!!! She then tells me she doesn't think she can make it there because of traffic. Yet a day later when I call to see if she has gone she is at the airport 45 miles from her home picking up some random non family person! Yet she can't go check on my MIL. I am pissed but I laugh it off as this is how my mom is. See BC doesn't have money and therefore is not important. BC also knows what my mother has done to Sophia and I and my mother is scared to face that music. Yet we are here thinking a tree might be on top of her or something.

It was embarrassing to say the least to have to explain to my brother in law that my mother, the woman who was there at my birth, the woman who supposedly knows better than I how to raise a child, is too shallow to go check to make sure his mother is alive because family means nothing to her.

Craig made the drive to check on his mother. 12 hours later he finds her okay without water, telephone, and power, but okay. thank God.

But hey mom thanks. Thanks for giving me one more reason to resent you, because really I didn't have enough already. What with being beaten all my life by you, being a great disappointment by being such a terrible dirty whore and oh yeah the topper watching you strike my child! You are a sick woman. I feel sorry for you. I have told Sophia that you are sick and we can't be around you anymore. Because really mom it isn't your fault that you are the way you are. You are too sick to know that there is a better way to be.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My beautiful angel....

It has been great having these last few lazy days off eith Sophia. She is a sweet little angel. She is learning so much and enjoying this vacation with me and daddy so very much (thanks Ike!!) It is so fun to watch her explore and fall in love with the simple joys of summer and childhood! Watching things through her eyes makes me feel like a kid again.

Oppression???

Maybe I am just an ignorant southern woman, but I am sick and tired of listening to people bad mouth Sarah Palin. People say oh she is a feminist who is for the oppression of women. I don't get that.

How is she for oppressing women? Because she is pro-life and against abortion? I am just pleased that she is a woman and a candidate who stands by her convictions. She knew her child had down syndrome and did not abort. Her teenage daughter gets knocked up and she doesn't make her have an abortion in some secret little place no one would ever know about. So to me she is really pro-life and really stands by that. I like that. I myself am pro-choice and would hate to see that right be taken from women. But I admire her convictions.

I am a Republican. I never thought I would say that. I was always very liberal and then I grew up and got a real job and made real money and wondered who the fuck is fica and futa and why do they get such a large chunk of my earnings?? I hate that the money taken from my checks is not given in a way to help the under privileged but is given in a way to hinder and hold them down. I have been on welfare. I used it as a hand up not a hand out. But there are people who have been on it for life and that is just plain wrong. If I can work so can you!

The Republican party has a lot of the same views as I do on immigration, war, healthcare, economics and foreign policy. Healthcare and Immigration are my biggest concerns. I do not want universal healthcare at all. If you do then move to a country that has it and when you need a surgery get on the waiting list and you may die before your chance to have the surgery! As far as immigration. I am all for someone coming to this country to live the American dream. Do it legally and I have not an issue with you. Learn English, work hard, and life will be good for you here. Wave your birth country's flag and bitch about what America hasn't done for you and find yourself in a shipping container aimed for your birth place.

I am scared that Obama will be elected. I am scared if he is elected he will be assassinated by some backwoods dumb redneck bubba who hates niggers. I fear when this happens a revolution will occur in this country. I feel we need a revolution, but that means fighting on our own soil. I fear that.

I like Sarah Palin, I will vote for McCain because of her. I respect her and the things she has done in her very short stint in office. But can someone please explain to me why people say she is oppressing women??

Monday, September 15, 2008

I Survived Ike

I guess all my moaning about missing my husband made the big guy upstairs take some notice. I never thought the Hurricane would hit Galveston, I never thought if it did it would have such an affect on Houston, where I now live. I was released from the office on Thursday at noon and told get your daughter and get home to Scott.

I didn't blink. I ran to daycare. I ran to the garage I live in. I threw our belongings in the exploder and I zoomed to sit in traffic. Traffic that turned my 4 hour drive into 10. Lucky for me I knew a few little back roads that are not on the map apparently as I was able to zoom down them at 80 with nary a care in the world, and no lines at the gas pump.

I am pleased to say that 3 large trees fell on the wicked witch of the wests house (my mother). I am non so pleased that where I stay will not have running water or electricity for up to 4 weeks. I am very pleased to say that my boss. That beautiful man that I adore, that is just brilliant I tell you, is allowing me to work remotely from New Braunfels until my jobs that I am assisting the running of have electricity!!!! That is at the very least 2 whole weeks!!!!!!

So Ike, this is where I say thank you! Thank you for devastating my city. Thank you for letting me stay with my husband. Thank you for giving me this short little break where I don't have to do it all where I get to have my love right beside me!

On the other hand Fuck you Ike, Fuck you for devastating my city and causing so many to have to suffer through your wake. I realize that the city and the surrounding areas needing a good douching out, but seriously 2 weeks or more without power and water is not so bueno. Comprende??

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

It is hard

Every week I go to work Monday thru Friday, 6 am until 6 pm. I pick my daughter up from daycare. I feed her, bath her and have a few precious snuggle moments before I put her to sleep. Every Friday morning I load up the car for our trek home to my husband, her daddy.

We chat on the way, or I chat and she repeats daddy, asha. As all she understands is we are going to see daddy and Sasha. She sleeps some and we arrive for a whirl wind visit, that is never long enough. I miss him.

I don't see how single moms make it. I live for the weekends for a break. A chance to sleep in, to not be the only parent. Single moms and dads don't have that break. I have a new found appreciation for the strength and courage it takes to raise a child alone.

That being said, it is hard. Sophia is teething, this truly means sleepless nights, and long days at the office. I am exhausted and I am lonely and I need my husband. I need the man that I lean on to hold me up and he is 4 hours away. 4 hours away in our home while I live in a strangers garage. I feel very alone and miserable. It is hard.

8 months to go. I find myself beginning to feel a tad bit resentful that he has all this free time. Time to relax. Time to sleep. No diapers to change, no meals to prepare, no baths to give, no screams in the middle of the night to answer....

This makes me feel like a great big selfish bitch. I need to find some strength. I need to keep reminding myself this is what is going to be best for our family, he will graduate with honors in 8 months. I have to hold it together.

Monday, September 01, 2008

So I fell off the planet

It has been months since my last post. Since I last visited a blog. A lot has happened and there has been a massive amount of chaos in my life. I took the job in Houston which is wonderful and really my dream job. I am excelling at it and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to learn from some really brilliant people.

My home life is where the chaos begins. I was supposed to be living with my parents while Scott stayed behind and finished school. This was all fine and good for a very short two day period. My mother and I can not get along, have never been able to get along and never will be able to get along.

This past week my parents kicked me and my daughter out. No where to go. No ability to provide housing to stay in Houston and no way to pay for child care as all of my income was going to support our home in New Braunfels and make it possible for Sophia and I to return on the weekends to see daddy.

I thought I was going to have to quit my dream job. I was a wreck. Then there came this beautiful angel and her daughter. They took Sophia and I in. They gave us a place to stay for free. Yeah for Free can you believe that??? I don't have to quit my dream job and my husband can finish school. Life is good.

The down side is my mother will never get a chance to see Sophia again. My dad says I am using my daughter to hurt my mother. My thought is simply this....

I think that the way I treat my mother is abusive and destructive and I don't want Sophia to see that example and think it is okay for a daughter to treat her mother that way. I also think and know that the way my mother treats me is destructive and abusive and I surely don't want her to think that it is okay for a mother to treat her child that way. It is an unhealthy example and I want my child to see happy healthy things. I am trying to protect her innocence and if along the way that evil twat feels some pain then I won't feel sad about that.

So what is new with you?