Tuesday, September 09, 2008

It is hard

Every week I go to work Monday thru Friday, 6 am until 6 pm. I pick my daughter up from daycare. I feed her, bath her and have a few precious snuggle moments before I put her to sleep. Every Friday morning I load up the car for our trek home to my husband, her daddy.

We chat on the way, or I chat and she repeats daddy, asha. As all she understands is we are going to see daddy and Sasha. She sleeps some and we arrive for a whirl wind visit, that is never long enough. I miss him.

I don't see how single moms make it. I live for the weekends for a break. A chance to sleep in, to not be the only parent. Single moms and dads don't have that break. I have a new found appreciation for the strength and courage it takes to raise a child alone.

That being said, it is hard. Sophia is teething, this truly means sleepless nights, and long days at the office. I am exhausted and I am lonely and I need my husband. I need the man that I lean on to hold me up and he is 4 hours away. 4 hours away in our home while I live in a strangers garage. I feel very alone and miserable. It is hard.

8 months to go. I find myself beginning to feel a tad bit resentful that he has all this free time. Time to relax. Time to sleep. No diapers to change, no meals to prepare, no baths to give, no screams in the middle of the night to answer....

This makes me feel like a great big selfish bitch. I need to find some strength. I need to keep reminding myself this is what is going to be best for our family, he will graduate with honors in 8 months. I have to hold it together.



Hill Country, US



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