I have a pattern. It is a pattern that I recognize and have recognized since college about my intimate relationships. I have a problem with grass being greener on the other side of the fence. I love my husband. I really and truly love him, but I know him. I know all his bad parts and all his good. There is no mystery and unfortunately there is not much else to learn. I know all there is to know or all he is ever going to let me know. I know what he is going to say before his says it and what he is going to do do before he does it.
I am bored with him.
This happens in all of my relationships right around the 4 year mark. They burn so hot and so intense and then they fizzle. I start looking and seeking out male companionship, because I like men more than women. I enjoy talking sports, hunting, fishing, cars, and beer drinking. I am a guys girl, plain and simple.
This is normally when I begin to hang hang on to my relationship because I am afraid of the unknown but I end up running anyway to something new and sparkly. The problem is I don't want to run, but I just can't seem to help it.
So here I am, surrounded by great guy friends. I love them all deeply and I know they love me. I find myself wondering what if about some of them and I am scared. I see the pattern happening. I don't want it to happen this time. I want to stay with Scott, my babies father, my husband, the man I love! But I am bored. I know I won't cheat, I don't do that, but I am scared I will throw away what I have for something else, that will satisfy me for 4 years.
Have any of you felt this way? How did you stop yourself? How did you rekindle or renew your marriage?