Monday, August 17, 2009

I Started Running Again

I would love to say what a difference the weekend has made, but that would be a lie. But Kellie, you helped slap me back into reality for that I thank you. I realize that my happiness truly only depends on me and it is up to me to make the best of what there is. I need a release for my aggression, for my anger. I need something that is completely mine where the only way I can fail is if I let myself fail. I need to base my success on me and my accomplishments that have nothing to do with the floundering economy and companies struggling and cutbacks.

At 4:45 AM the alarm next to my head blasted. I groaned. Not today I will start tomorrow. I hit snooze. At 4:50 AM the second alarm blasted. I got up, grabbed my sneakers, sports bra, and ipod and headed to the living room. I did a few stretches and told myself there is no going back to bed now. It has been 8 months since I strapped those shoes on my feet and as I did the dog started dancing. I grabbed the leash and plugged in my ear buds.

I knew I wouldn't be able to run the whole time, I knew my body was tired and hadn't worked hard in a long 8 months. I pounded the pavement with those sneakers. I breathed in and out and as I ran I felt things loosen and melt. I felt clarity as my heart pounded in my chest. Sasha ran happily next to me. I turned the corner at 1/2 a mile and I found my stride. When I hit 2 miles I had to stop, I had to slow down. I had to walk.

But I completed the 5 miles, walking 2 running 3. I think I want to train for a marathon, I think that would be something I could succeed at and be proud of myself for accomplishing. Something that is just me competing with me. I think I need that.



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